No—it is not.

I actually spoke with a 26 y/o virgin who was trying to ween himself off softcore porn and I hope he has. At the time, I briefly worked as a phone sex operator for six months to make ends meet. We talked 1-2x a week for over an hour about the arts, films, dating advice, etc. He knew some basics about irl me and we left it anonymous but he was a really sweet, intelligent guy who was a tad self-deprecating, but when he sat that aside, he was easily one of the sexiest guys I ever spoke with. He said that irl he never showed his emotions and came off as a pretentious ass (no thanks, ew). But he could intellectually and emotionally flirt and create intimacy when he was not thinking about it. I had physical reactions to some of our conversations.

My first love and I took sex very slowly: kissing, makeouts, and learning exactly what made us shiver and feel turned on. Unfortunately, he was a bit too nervous and the intimacy was not there for the first time but I don’t regret it. You definitely have to feel ready.

My best experiences honestly have not been penetration—or it has been after I was with someone who paid attention to all my little reactions and vice versa. It is amazing when you build that kind of chemistry with someone.