Men, what am I doing wrong?

Just words. Has knowing this helped you in any way to appreciate yourself more?

To be 100% genuine in my reply despite risking it sounding cliche, those words and that realizations has helped me tremendously. I say so because I have experienced self loathe for the majority of my life since a young child. Self loathe coming from the actions of a family member, the trauma they imposed and the effect they had with emotional, mental and physical abuse. That person I still live with today and if I hadn’t altered the feelings they imposed on me due to their own troubles, I wouldn't dare to even hear their name let alone see their face everyday.

In relation to all that you have stated, I have been on both ends of self loathe and self love. What good did self loathe cause me? It only drove me to suicide on and off. Now if loathing myself and contemplating, overthinking and analyzing every single thing that happened and trying to find/form myself as a human being made me present (so present that I no longer wished to live), then I would never dream of existing.

Presence I have now found is a way of enjoying one moment without over analyzing it. I still wonder to this day that perhaps I am fooling myself with choosing to ignore what I now call the "petty and unimportant" realizations but that's simply because I had been used to an unhealthy environment of thoughts for so long, you could assume it's in the nature of my character.

With all that aside, I'd rather have the undertone of arrogance as if anything that is only hurting me than having a hidden layer of evil and humanity hate which would push others to unhealthy states as my family member has done with my whole family all their life.

/r/self Thread Parent