Thursday, October 15th 2020 2:10am

I realized she was my other half. She is what made me feel comple. I think once I learn to love myself I'll be able to feel that way without her. I just don't ever see myself doing that. What is there to love? Most times I think about mortality. I have dreams of people I love dying. They feel so real. I realize the everlasting nothingness of death, more than ever. What scares me the most is I still want to die deep down. If I didn't I would make changes to better myself. I think I don't want to be better because I don't want to live. At least a part of me doesn't. How do I give control to the part of me that wants to live. How do you make it look so fucking easy. It seems like you just don't care. Is that supposed to make it easier for me to move on? It doesn't. It makes me feel like I am nothing to the person that is everything to me. WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE YOU?! I'm so sad. I miss you so much. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. Every single day I think about you. I love you so much. IF YOU STILL CARE DON'T EVER LET ME KNOW!