I’m 38 and I cut them off completely last year but it was a very gradual process. I moved out of their house at 18 and went away for university. I was very lucky that my grandparents gave me tuition money but my parents parcelled it out so that was tricky sometimes. Staying busy helped as they couldn’t really argue with that. I worked through my undergrad so by the time I graduated I was financially free from them. I tried to make things work with them a number of times in my 20’s but they just wouldn’t budge (and by ‘budge’ I mean treat me with any sort of respect). Once I had kids of my own we really started arguing and once I saw my mom treat one of my daughters the way I was treated we broke away from them. My adoptive parents were also physically abusive so I was dealing with c-ptsd from that and having panic attacks around them. These relationships are complicated and it can be really hard when you are dependent on them. Working towards independence is key.

I have to say though, I never bonded with my adoptive parents (even when I was little) so I’m operating from that perspective - but I wish I had cut down my contact with them way sooner. It also wanted to note that with controlling immature parents like ours, it’s important to cut contact quietly. There is often no point in making pronouncements etc. you just choose to spend less time around them. You know your parents best but I realized, after years of banging my head against the wall so to speak, that there was absolutely no reasoning with my parents. It’s a shame when you’re in a situation like that but you are worth so much more than the type of treatment you describe.