I also despise the pop culture “ew don’t call me ma’am that’s only for olds” because come on now, do you really prefer being addressed as a child?

In the UK, "Ma'am," is generally pronounced "marm," and there is a very strong implied association with a 60+ year old woman; usually also one who is excessively formal, sexually repressed, and with a correspondingly unpleasant temper. Although she wasn't quite old enough, one of the main things that Janeway is famous for, is occasionally psychologically adhering to said boarding school headmistress stereotype. Spending her holodeck time as a Victorian governess was not out of character.

If that is the image you want to be associated with, then that is your business; but it may not benefit your ability to deal with people. Dame Slap is not an archetype who is universally loved.