This show has made me learn so much about myself. There aren't that many depictions of my grandparents' generation in Korea. I can easily picture the Gilded Age of New York or Ancient Rome or Versailles in the 1700s, but I couldn't visualize my own history until Pachinko.
I was raised by my grandma like Haruki and there were things that my grandma said or did that I didn't understand. For example, when I told my grandma about how I was raped, she told me not to tell anyone, and that was the end of it. I didn't understand her reaction until I saw Sunja tell her mother about her pregnancy and how much shame there was. It truly was a different time back then.
I also never understood my grandparents' and Korea's obsession with Christianity- but I do now. They were literally blessed by Christians. I understand now how that religion was a blessing to them- especially in a far away land.
And when Sunja went back to Korea for the first time and how they talk about whether that ache ever goes away in this episode. I thought about how my grandparents were never able to see their country again after they left. And even if they went back, how there wouldn't really be much for them there.
It also made me think about how when I went to study abroad in Korea away from home for a semester, the ache I felt like I was holding my breath, not fitting in, only to get back to New York and feel at home again. I can't imagine what it's like to live your entire life like that. And I wouldn't have understood until I saw Pachinko.
Last but not least, I never understood my mother's visceral hatred for Japan. But now I do. Seeing Sunja's family become Japanese, I see the parallels to how my family became American. And even more, I love how this episode showed how it's more about class than nationality.
The Japanese were stepped on by the white man, and then they stepped on Korea, but whatever country you're from or the color of your skin, at the end of the day it's about the haves and have nots.
I feel like Pachinko makes that clear and it is phenomenal how they're able to paint this beautiful picture despite the incredible amount of trauma that spans generations of ignorance and hate. And while they are able to show the hardships, I love that they are also able to showcase Korean or Asian joy.
Many Korean films and TV shows like Oldboy, Parasite, or Squid Game, they win international acclaim for portraying the worst of Korea. They don't do as great of a job as celebrating Korean culture and joy too- because they don't need to.
But Pachinko is different, they show the trauma and the loss but they find the joy in the sorrow, they bring light to the taboo, and they dance in the shadows.
Pachinko celebrates Korean diaspora and it is something we, Koreans of diasporas, can find pride in- because we're still outsiders to this day, no matter what people say. We are not accepted as Korean, nor Japanese or American. But hey at least we have Pachinko to help us find pride in that- to acknowledge our otherness and give us something to celebrate. A piece of our history.