It's not that my (extended) family hates him, it's that they don't really like him and can't see him as part of the family. But honestly, I don't really care. My immediate family (mom and grandpa) love him and that's all that really matters to me.

My mom raised me by herself (w/ my Grandpa's help) after my dad died. I was a baby when he died and their first kid, so I don't have any siblings and my mom never remarried. My mom's brothers both moved down South before I was born, but those cousins were the closest things I had to siblings.

They all eventually moved back up here when I was in Junior High, but by that point we were all very different people. We still do holidays together and when I come home from grad school we all hang out and such, and I know I can turn to them if I need to, but we're very different. They talk about tractors and the Bible. I talk about politics and science. They don't believe in Evolution, but I don't agree with their conception of God. They shoot things and run a farm, but I live in an apartment in the city 2 hours away and the best weapon I have is pepper spray.

Their spouses are tall, strong, muscular, farm-boys who they promised to "obey" at their weddings. Their spouses have limited education (I think one has like a year of community college in), still work the land, and believe marriage should be based on God. My boyfriend (4 years and going strong) is close to my height, runs (rather than lifting weights/farm tools), cooks, cleans, respects me, cherishes me, doesn't expect me to obey him, didn't think twice about me not wanting to take his last name, had a stint as a vegetarian, and is a computer programmer.

I can't imagine telling him "yes, sir" or promising to obey him, ever. I can promise to love him forever and that he's my forever best friend and partner, but my extended family is shocked by this. At family gatherings, they try to goad him into taking control. They've mocked him for not understanding tractors and for caring about the environment. They mocked me for wanting to be a women's reproductive rights attorney. One time, while we were all at the hospital for my grandpa, my uncle said to him "why don't you eat meat? God put those critters on the earth for us to control and eat. To nourish us? Why you goin' against God's wishes, boy?"

We don't go to family gatherings on my side very often. His side adores me and we spend a lot of time with them. In fact, I've started having my mom (who adores him and doesn't fit in with the extended family either) come to stuff with his side of the family too and plan on having her move up here to the city with me once I graduate.

It sucked to know they didn't like him at first and that they thought less of him because he (and I) are so different from them. It shocked me to hear it in their voices because they're my family. I know they love me, but their judgement over completely illegitimate things is shocking to me.

This doesn't really impact my relationship with my SO. If anything, it's brought us closer together and closer to his family + my mom.