One thing I have observed and experienced from family situations - 1) People don’t understand how exhausting and resentful it is, to bring up children with the best efforts you can, and still see them not be “responsible enough” to appear successful in society. When the adult is diagnosed with a condition which makes them challenged, and they have to be taken care, by the parents even in old age. 2) Both the points mentioned by your husband comes from only one side of parent-child equation. The “successful” and “non-toxic” rapport. The world is filled with many more combinations of rapport. A specially abled kid changes your view of society, your view of life, and everything permanently.

Indian parents want to have kids, and also want them to be “successful”. The pressure is invisible and understood implicitly. It’s the biggest eyewash ever.

Yes, there are great parents who have provided selflessly to their kids, and expect nothing in return. Well, those parents would have also experienced something in their own lives, which eventually shaped them that way. They won’t put pressure to have kids.

Also, I have come to understand that some amount of interest and action into the path of spirituality helps tackle the “feeling” that goes behind wanting to have kids. Are you doing it out of attachment to outcome? Or do you have the courage and clarity to want to do your parental duty well even if the required outcome cannot be promised?