Thank you for sharing that. I was the one who had an affair and was married at the time. We were married for almost 10 years, together 13. Divorced for almost a year now. I filed. I knew what I did was absolutely not ok and hearts were crushed, but I do take, like you said which was well put..90% of responsibility but he should of accepted the other 10%. On your side and on my side. We were emotionless, going through the motions and pretending we were happy. Well, I was pretending because I knew he was ok with how our lives were. I got tired of asking and hoping he would enjoy just spending time with me again. Never happened..and after a while feeling like I wasn't good enough or fun anymore to hang out with it just became the norm for me, feeling like I was the reason we were shitty. He got to make zero effort and nothing changed for him. His laundry was still done, food was cooked, kids were taken care of. I should have been the best part of his day, and I never was. So I had an affair with a man who I went to high school with. I craved attention so fucking hard I was willing to look anywhere for it. Again, wrong on my part but all I was asking for was love from him, showed to me in any way he chose. Years ago I asked to go see a therapist together and he said it was "too expensive." So we never went. I served him last year with papers and said you have 30 days to show me this is worth fighting for. I knew I had already thrown in the towel. I don't know why, looking back I even said it but I did. He was surprised even when I showed him divorce papers, because in his mind things weren't that bad. I don't know, if I wouldn't of had an affair if in the end we would be divorced anyway. I couldn't be happy in the relationship for the both of us so aside from the no affection, we had other issues but I think I knew in my heart it was over. Would I ever cheat again, no. Was I wrong, absolutely but he needs to take even the smallest amount of responsibility for pushing me to a point where I was going to find affection no matter where I found it. Sorry for that whole rant but that's kinda in a nutshell my story. If you decide to work at it and not call it quits, I think sitting down and laying all your cards on the table would be a step towards repairing. He does need to accept a sliver of responsibility of what happened. He can't hold on to this forever. Forgiveness is forgiveness no matter what was done and if he truly doesn't want to loose you, he will work just as hard as you will to get back to where you were when you guys were great. Like I said before, it takes two people who both want it to work, for it to work. You also do t want to drive yourself crazy working and proving to him your sorry when in the end he never wanted to make it work in the first place and just for amusement see you earn back his trust and then leave anyways. Know up front, either he loves you enough to move past it and start again or he doesn't. Does that make sense?