Since you asked here's a long one I went through in March 2005. It started well before I got to the Airport. I was on my way back from L.A. to Winnipeg, Canada on a 5 AM flight so I left Costa Mesa just before 3 AM. A buddy was driving me and we stopped at 7-11 to grab a few things. He pulled out onto a side street and from there proceeded to the main street Harbor Blvd. before quickly pulling back into the 7-11 parking lot from the main street. When I asked why he did that he informed he had a headlight out, had seen a cop behind him, and wanted to avoid a fix-it ticket. I knew we were in trouble right away but we waited a few minutes before leaving. Two blocks later we were pulled over by the same cop who after 45 minutes of angry questioning gave my buddy the ticket he was looking to avoid and sent us on our way. Now very late for my flight we raced to the airport arriving just 15 minutes before boarding starts I'm late. I get out at United Airlines (Terminal 7) rush to the counter and hand the woman my e-mail printed ticket. She takes one look at it and says this is an Air Canada ticket. I responded yes bought from Air Canada for a United Airlines flight. She politely tells me that although its for United Airlines I have to get the actual ticket from Air Canada in Terminal 2 almost completely on the other end of the horseshoe shaped terminals. I race with my oversized luggage around the airport looking like a madman and finally reach Air Canada about 10 Minutes after boarding had started so even as I get there I know I'm pretty much already screwed, my ride is gone now and I'm all alone. I rush to the woman behind the Air Canada desk and show her my e-mailed ticket. This is for United Airlines she said handing it back to me. I looked her in the eyes and for a moment I wasn't sure what to do and than I flipped. Do I look stupid? I asked, I was just at United Airlines and they said you have my ticket so I'm here and you tell me they have my ticket. I explained what I had been through at United and how I ran all the way round the Terminal just to get here and how my flight was probably leaving already and then started swearing a bit as I wasn't sure what else to do. The clerk had no idea either and called over her supervisor and explained what I had just told her. The supervisor proclaimed Goddamn United they do this to us all the time and jumped on the phone. Minutes later she was cursing out the woman from United and after a few minutes the conversation ended and she informed me that United Airlines has offered to fly me to Denver for free since I missed my flight. Missed my flight? I asked I didn't F****** miss my flight I was there I missed my ticket. What the F*** is in Denver anyways? Well its closer to Canada. She explained. Closer to Canada? I asked in confusion. How the F*** does that help when you made me miss my flight, I don't wanna be close to Canada, I need to be in Canada. I continued on for several minutes and after a bit more work she determined Air Canada could fly me (For Free) to Vancouver, Canada and later put me on standby for the first available seat to Winnipeg. I was thankful and relieved but my fun wasn't over. As I'm now finally going through security I am treated to the US style of Airport security for the first time. I'm already drained physically and emotionally and security screening sucks at the best of times. My carry on always gets scrutinized due to all the electronics I bring to entertain me on the long flights and as the two agents are searching my bag I remembered "the gag". For Valentines that year a girlfriend (I'm a guy) had given me as a gag gift a massive 8" vibrator which was pink with white hearts and Kisses. I had placed it on my dresser and while video chatting with a friend earlier in the week before flying back he had noticed the giant pink object in the background and after I explained and showed what it was he dared me to place it in the front pocket of my carry on bag. I had accepted the challenge, but now days later and exhausted by my minor ordeal I had completely forgotten about it. That is until the screening agent, an Asian gentleman who looked to be about 300 years old, pulled the object from my bag and began inspecting it curiously. I froze panic and laughter were all I had left. He unscrewed the base and two D size batteries slid out, he pushed them back in and began screwing on the base. Now once fully tightened if you turn it once more it turns on and I'm certain that he's just a second from turning the thing on but I'm still frozen as I watched this ancient looking dude playing with the giant vibrator he just found in this young guys bag, my bag. How does your flashlight turn on? he asks me. I can't answer. He looks at me intently but I can't answer. Finally the other Agent, also an older man probably in his late fifties who look like he used to be a Marine looks at the "flashlight" and quickly proclaims Thats no flashlight. Its not a flashlight I mumble shaking my head. The guy goes through a series of looks in about a second, first he is puzzled, then he understands, finally he is completely disgusted as he slides the "flashlight" back into my bag. As I sat in the airport waiting to fly to Vancouver and later home, I couldn't believe how one day so perfectly planned out could end with so much chaos nor could I stop laughing at the mental image left by this ancient looking guy playing with the giant vibrator.
TL:DR Stopped by LAPD on the way to Airport was running late, missed flight due to incompetence of United Airlines staff, made it home eventually thanks to Air Canada, giant Vibrator levity saves the day.