Authors who say that your story sucks, would you mind sharing your story here?

Kiss of Death

This story begins in a small secluded village, high up in the mountains. It is a tale of love at first sight.


John works in a small coffee shop in town. This shop has some of the finest coffee in the country and it is the crowned jewel of the village. He had been going to the shop ever since he can remember and now it is where he currently works. Last week the most beautiful woman John had ever seen entered the shop and took a seat near a large bay window. As she sat there John could not help but stare at the young woman. She had long chestnut hair which had a slight curl to it. The beams of light coming through the window rest gently on her figure giving her an angelic look. The window she sat near had a view of the snow covered mountain peak, an inspiring and peaceful piece of nature's handy work. Off in the distance the stone bridge connecting the two sides of the village could be seen. The bridge was over a very deep canyon and had a bit of an arch to it. The bridge was very popular amongst the villagers and was nicknamed “the bridge of love”. It was called this because it was a place the men of the village would often pronounce their love for a woman, propose, tell poetry, or sing. The woman has stopped reading and was now gazing out the window and must have felt John's gaze and turned suddenly towards him. She smiled at him as their eyes met and John started to blush madly. He felt something surge through him, it was a strange feeling to him. He did not know what it was. He looked away and carried on with his work, the woman finished her beverage and left soon after. John wondered and hoped to see her again.
To his surprise she became a regular at the shop. Every time he was around her he got the same feeling and he felt compelled to find out more about this woman, and this feeling he was having when she was around. One day he decided to be her server so he could get her name because he planned to ask her to meet him on the bridge but he was very shy. That day at the end of his shift he brought her last refill with a note hidden under the cup and left, the not read: Natasha, I would love it if you would be so kind as to join me for a talk on the bridge tonight.” For the rest of the afternoon he was nervous, anxious even. He did not know if she would come or what would happen if she did. As it turns out she did show up looking as beautiful as ever. “Natasha, I have been meaning to ask you something. Oh and by the way you look lovely tonight... er I mean, not that you normally don't..... ahh never mind.”
She laughed and said “Thank you John, you are pretty easy on the eyes if I say so myself.”

John continued “Why thank you, I wanted to ask you if you feel the same way I do when we are around each other, like right now. She looked at him and smiled, didn't say anything. “Sorry! I know it was a weird question, let me try to expl...” Before he could finish his sentence she took his hand and walked over to the stone railing, looked him in the eyes and said “I already know what you are trying to say.” They moved closer together, looking each other in the eyes. To John it seemed like time had come to a standstill. All he could think about was he was certain this was his soul mate, his other half and how pretty she was. They embraced and kissed, John was so overcome with emotion and new feelings, feelings of love, the softness of her lips the warmth of their embrace. It was too much for him, his knees buckled, his eyes rolled back and he fell over the railing, never to be seen or heard from again.

/r/writing Thread