When I was 20 I went with a friend to watch a girlfriend of mine play tennis in an indoor facility. The observation are was about 15 ft above the courts with a standard 4 ft wall. We were just watching her play when a woman with a small baby came beside us and set the baby down just at our feet. The baby was in a carrier and behaving nicely, just cooing and giggling. No distress. After a few minutes I felt my skin crawling, looked at my friend and said "I've got to get out of here". As we left the second set of doors to get out, we both looked at each other and said "that baby! All I wanted to do was pick up that baby and drop it over the wall". We both had the same instinct. I felt like a freak, a psychopath for years. What's wrong with me?

And then one lucky night about 3 years later, some very big celebrity like Tom Hanks or Bruce Willis (not sure) was on Letterman describing their child and how they were always thinking of just dropping that baby out of their high rise apt window and all at once I felt normal. Later a friend that's smart about these things explained, that its normal to consider this but of course not normal to do it. They explained that the people that do it, never even consider it but just do it.

The point is. You're normal. Babies are needy and they test us in ways that challenge our sleep, our sanity and our ingenuity.

So yeah, fuck yeah. I resented my son when he was first born but I knew I had a duty to ensure his safety and survival as others had done for me. And along the way, he grew on me to the point where I love him more than I could have ever imagined possible.

No telling when it will happen but it will happen, just stick with it, do what you must do to keep yourself sane and safe and cowboy up to this challenge. You'll get what you give returned in spades.