I went there. I saw much misery I hope gets better. I saw a lot of bait-and-switch of the most well-meaning kind.

Woman gets involved with man asking for no big commitment; they just like to be together. In the here and now.

Woman comes to feel he would make a proper husband. He seems cheerful around her. Her objectives are now different. To her it seems reasonable: we tried this to see if it would work, and yes it worked, so, let's take the next step.

But men don't change deals. They accept the term of a deal and don't expect the terms to change. It started as no-commitment and they don't easily change gears into fine-let's-commit. Some do, but it is a bait and switch. From their point of view. You can call that rigid, but you are indeed asking someone to depart from your original agreement. Very sweetly. But still.

The Hive method contains: no bait and switch. From the very first coffee, I, we, are understood to be looking for a spouse. Yes. That one. With a big capital letter.

You might not get much coffee for a while, but at least you wouldn't be wondering why the person wasn't going along with your proposed change of program. People do not have steering wheels and they do not steer well, all of them. You cannot make them change. It is better to have your ideas clear at first, even if that makes it hard.

It is better to have fun later, after starting with difficulty, than to end up in difficulty, after starting with no difficulty. It is better to get the pain in the beginning. It can be quite messy to put it off to the end.

The Hive method would not be a bait and switch. Dating to see if we like each other enough to marry amounts to a bait and switch. You are fighting the original plan. While entangled.

If there is going to be rigidity, let it be at the beginning before much has happened at all.