Yes I'm a guy married to a woman.

I know what you are going through, it's pretty hard. You do kind of move through that stage eventually though, it's like the stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, acceptance? I don't know what they are to be honest.

The thing about conversion therapy is it catches people when they are in the bargaining phase, and that's how they get your money.

It helps to accept that's how you are and you can't change it. Imagine you had cancer. There would be no sense in wallowing in grief forever, but you can make peace with it and make the best of it.

Yeah I get you. It's ok to be sad and frustrated about things. There's just no need to punish yourself really. It's not your fault. It helps if you say it to yourself out loud.

I personally don't think being gay is a bad thing for other people, but I didn't want to do that because of like you said, I'd like the life I imagined when I was a kid. Then I was raped by a gay guy and I kind of decided I don't like that kind of thing.

I guess the grief is grieving for the future you imagined for yourself. It's hard.

You can still have that life btw. You could have a family and stuff with a man or woman these days, pretty easily really.

I think my point is, the saying (not that I'm religious) but

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.