I feel this post deeply as well. Our situation is very similar - it’s a long, slow jog for the (hopefully) decades ahead of us, rather than a sprint towards the end. My partner has made so much progress towards proactive long-term health care which has improved the day to day stuff.

I’m the do-er of our team and the one who manages all house logistics, health, car, etc things that unfortunately can’t be effectively completed when battling brain fog. Like you, I’ve got my own executive function challenges, and it feels like a muscle that I’ve overused

They do everything in their power to let me know they love me, appreciate the work I do, the little things, and try to budget their spoons to help with everything leftover.

Despite this, find myself switching between business mode and feelings mode to get everything done. Business mode has no room for navigating emotions or empathy, and i know it comes off as cold callousness when they don’t feel well, but detaching is the only way I can get things done and then just hope that I have enough energy to switch back into feelings mode at the end of the day. Sometimes I’m not able to, and get stuck for days at a time. I’m in therapy and I genuinely honest to god love our life, so it’s frustrating that I have these bouts of detachment that creates noticeable distance between us. I can’t help but feeling that the weak link is me for not being able to respond like a normal loving partner when they need me to.