I probably had 60 minutes of fear in total about losing the face I wore for decades, but that's about it. I did not blend well, got stares, got misgendered, and got addressed in weird condescending tones, like service workers saying hellloooo laaadies in very exaggerated ways. A cis friend I was having dinner with actually commented on it once and asked, How do you deal with that? Is it always like that for you? Why yes, yes it is. It was better if I piled on makeup, but I hated having to do that.

My real fears were that I had to travel to a country with a lower standard of medical care because it was far too expensive in the US and there was no insurance coverage for trans stuff back then. I figured there was a decent probability I wouldn't return alive. I had to write my first Will before going. I had about 18 hours of surgery over two weeks. I didn't have the most perfect results to say the least but saying it changed my ability to socialize normally would be an understatement. I don't ever get misgendered, or second guessed, and most days I don't even wear makeup. Even as average as my results were, it was the most transformative procedure outside of facial hair removal.

I also had little to no family support or validation at that point. It doesn't matter. You aren't doing this for them. I will say that things slowly started to evolve after FFS though. Maybe because they finally realized my commitment, and realized that the changes were going to help me. There might also have been some selfish relief because they realized they wouldn't be judged by being seen with "one of them". Who knows? I just know everything improved.