I realized I wasn't clear but when people were trying to pull shit when I worked in customer service they didn't get anywhere. I either asserted, de-escalated, or just was a broken record and they'd give up and ask to speak to the manager. I wasn't trying to be a jerk or manipulate like they may have thought, I literally could not do what they asked. I had actual reasons to be upset or angry, but I didn't feel the need to get petty revenge or provoke people.
I really don't understand abusers, sociopaths, and malignant narcissists, or the childish actions of petty people, how everything is about trying to make people suffer, pay, or winning. Those victories seem empty, they're just shitty, miserable people who make everyone around them miserable.
They have this really weird filter of the world. I've done things that were pretty straightforward and they literally interpreted it as some kind of manipulative machination, like I had orchestrated the whole thing. Or turned people against them. No it was your shitty behavior that did that.
Right now I'm dealing with the medical system and doctors don't want to help, they keep making it impossible to get appointments, give non answers, lie on records that they told me things, or were at an appointment when they weren't, or said they spoke to me when they didn't. I just would like some useful information and answers so I know what's wrong with me.
I've literally had a nurse purposely dig a needle around in me while giving me a hate stare. Another time I asked my doc if they could do the blood draw in the office because I have a hard time and I felt safer there, the nurse stalked in was very angry about having to do the draw. She did it in a way that didn't hurt, and I thanked her and babbled about bad experiences, she seemed surprised, looked guilty for split second, then had a stone look in her face. After the draw I bled under the skin, and I just had a sudden dawning that she fucked it up on purpose so I wouldn't ask again. I felt so stupid. I couldn't believe it. I didn't demand anything, I just asked if it was ok, why am I being punished for this? I don't understand!!
There would be weird things that would happen and I'd dissociate. It's always little things, and I'd think there must be some mistake, but it would later dawn on me that I was a clueless idiot and they were doing these things on purpose to try to discourage or punish me for some reason I didn't understand.
I've had someone call me up and actually threaten me and I didn't report it because I was so shocked. I didn't have a recording, and it was so crazy, who would believe me? Every time I tell a doctor about my symptoms they act like it's in my head. I keep freezing up, every time I assert myself they undermine me or make me out to look like the bad guy. Some days I'm on the verge of ending it. Seriously, I don't know what to do about these people. I don't have anyone at my back like I did at work. When my SO went with me, they explained things and treated me well. When I asked him if he'd be willing to go to any other appointments, if he was free, he got angry at me, like I did something wrong, and refused in a very angry and dismissive way. I don't know why.
Literally anywhere I go, when my SO is with me, people treat me entirely differently. I have a lot of anxiety leaving the house and I'm usually just exhausted or in pain and don't want to say much. I was at the grocery store and this woman tried to be nice to me, I couldn't understand why she was asking me all these questions and complimenting me, but didn't want to hear my answers, she wanted my SO to see that she was doing this.
I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT. THE. FUCK is going on.