Not anymore, not today anyway. While driving today I had a memory of *Mother beating and wailing on me and jerking me around like a rag doll as a small child maybe 5 or 6 for I don't know what. It was normal behavior for her, when she was mad we would try to hide or run... Switches off trees to bleed and slapping to bleed and when I seen my own children at that age or any child- I couldn't imagine hitting them or making them bleed or intentionally hurting them. I just accepted it as normal to be treated that way. Today it kinda hit me- she wasn't a mother really and I can make excuses for her as I have for close to 50 years, but not today. She was sick and incapable. She was not the Hallmark mother version. I dont owe her a card or a fond memory. I dont owe her to take care of her in her old age as she wasn't a mother deserving of love or respect or care. I finally went NC and it's been weird and wonderful. I feel free. Today I'm not angry at what she should have been. Of course I am much older and today was a good day