You are not alone. I know I am the odd one out in that I married an allo who is really attracted to me sexually. However, I felt a lot of pressure from my background to be very "normal" and I have to say to this day I find his sexual attraction to me disturbing. I recently came out to my spouse and not gonna sugar coat it, it hurt him, a lot. No more so though than his attraction to me has hurt me....
We are in love yes. I am a romantic, but also bi romantic, and I feel like I have repressed my true nature all of my adult life....mostly in trying to "fit in" to the Compulsory heterosexuality all around me.
I have a libido yes. I can use it to get to the point I can have sex yes. But I am also quite a bit sexually repulsed in addition to being asexual. It isn't easy and I find his deeeeeeeppppp desire to be near me, smell me, hold me, be in me, creeeeeepppppy as hellllll at times.
We are still working through this at the moment but yea.......I'm not ok with it right now. Been over 3 weeks since we had sex which for him apparently is like a lifetime. ....sigh....yeah....
I recall before I ever had sex, which was before marriage cuz I never wanted it......I found the attention kind of validating in a way. Like ok yeah, I'm normal, I'm pretty, I'm attractive. After spending my life in school as the outcast "nerd" because I got good grades it felt nice to have what seemed to be positive attention for a change.
I was hot ok. I was young and an athlete and pretty and I had a lot of guys after me. But I NEVER wanted to have sex with any of them (um hint number one at asexuality though at the time I didn't know that was a thing).
So basically I am completely uncomfortable with allos being attracted to me even my spouse who I am more comfortable with because I KNOW him more than anyone else. I know his desires and why, I get how sex and love are hand in hand for him. I get how sex fulfills him in ways that simple snuggles and I love you's fulfill me.
Even so I still at times find it very creepy it because I cannot at all relate to it.
Sad, true, whatever....I'm tired....