Now, pls do not take my replies as an attack. Have been awake since 7am yesterdat... And on 3.5 or less hrs of sleep at that. Yes, I'm in the USA. I'm sorry you've come across suicides. How would you react if you notified a family, and although they shed tears, they said "at least they feel no pain and are at peace?" I've talked to therapists before I was this deteriorated, and broken down. My new to me used car failing was the final straw and the sign that said 'stop pushing yourself' My local health dept will not see me as I do have superb insurance. My intent was not for strangers to feel the need to 'save' me, or cause controversy, or have others feel I'm a troll. I am at peace with this. It's the equal to having watching my FIL die from emphysema, and my own dad with his 13 day diagnosis and battle with cancer. I'm not getting better. My Gi says all I have to look forward to is complete exocrine failure. My GP says "I just can't believe your own body is doing this" and he accuses me of drinking alcconcretecondomohol. Some in this forum call me insensitive, heartless and a troll seeking attention.

I am none of those. I have just finished my last blanket and baby clothing drive for a large homeless shelter I previously volunteered at with my oldest child. In winter months, I save pocket change and buy hot hands to give to panhandlers at expressway intersections. In the summer I wgave out water bottles. At this point, 6 days carless, I have made my decision. I can't use my husbands vehicle due to the age of it and the fact that it won't last much longer, and we are paying for an 11yo car that needs 2k/work I have a substabtionally large policy that was purchased by my dad when I was young (possibly out of guilt that my mom mentally abused me, or that I was always a sickly kid) regardless, this is the only way I can ensure the well being of my fam. My husband was slipping into a cycle of self hate due to his earnings and feeling less of a man. I want to do this for them and to end my suffering. Thee are not demons I'm battling but relief I am seeking