I feel this..growing up I had to pretend a lot in my household and only now have I begun to realize that a lot of my behavior wasn’t true to my feelings. Which is pretty big for me bc I somehow always thought I was an open book. Looking back I can see so many occasions where I just casually lied to get out of either an awkward situation or to manipulate someone. I didn’t even really feel guilty or remorseful at the time bc a part of me automatically rationalizes it. I think I’ve just been really used to feeling invisible because that feels like the only way to please everyone. There was a lot of hidden shame in my family home. Now I feel like I’m socially stunted and am just trying my best to function normally.