Thank you for what you said in the email! Well here’re are parts that I think could be changed, to be clear, this doesn’t mean I think they are badly written or something, it’s just they don’t fit my own fetishes.

1. Shattered face features. For example, “…as she felt her jaw dislocate and fracture”, or, “…cocks pressed into eye sockets”, or, “…cock shoving its way into her eyeball”, or “…empty eye sockets leaking cum and brains”, or, “…the tops of their heads sawn open”, or “…her remaining eye dangling from its nerve”.

I am a person who’s really into expression appreciation (especially dead expressions). Personally, I think a woman’s head is such a beautiful artware that it’s the most attractive part to me. So, it will be really nice if you can keep the completeness of protagonist’s head, including the basic shape of her eyes, nose, jaw, teeth, etc. Also please don’t saw her skull open cause it may ruin her beautiful hair, though I may commission brain-fuck element in the future but I will let you know then.

1. Disembowelment, penectomy and debreasting. Such as “…cocks to be shoved in their guts”, or, “…slide her erect cock into her soft warm guts”, or, “…grab her breast and a cold knife slice through the soft fatty tissue”, or “…as ash was castrated live on camera”. Personally, I am not a big fan of penectomy and debreasting, disembowelment is rather fine to me though so I may commission it in the future, but same as above, I will let you know then.

2. Protagonist’s personality and content ratio. Actually, this is one of my favorite part in the story, I really love how you wrote Ash’s inner monologues and her agony, how she is reluctant at first and then kinda embraces her fate, she finds a sign of hope but in the end, she fails and gives in to her fear and desperation. The descriptions and the process are really exquisite and beautiful to me. However, I think it’s slightly different from what I want in the first place.

I think the contrast in this story is between a person and another person, like, a strong operator and a disgraceful sex slave. However, what I want is the contrast between a living person and a dead object. Imagine this scene: Ash is scolding her captors, the White Masks, but before she can finish her next sentence, they put a bullet in her head, and then, her motions stop, her expression slackens, her limbs fall limply and natural reactions take over. Suddenly and quietly, she becomes a bag of meat, all her dignity, pride, attitude don’t matter anymore, she sucks cock submissively, ignoring the fact she was fighting against it twenty seconds ago, for she is now a ragdoll that would do anything others make her do.

In this case, I think you should make the protagonist less afeared and more reluctant, more full of rage, like, she will not beg but only curse, which will make the contrast stronger. Also, I think it will be better if you can adjust the content ratio: less living Ash and more dead Ash.

1. Jessica. Now, I am not saying I don’t like Jessica, it’s just I really don’t know who she is, what kind of person she is and what she looks like, so I feel her death doesn’t have enough weight. I think it would be better if you change her to some operators in game, some operators I know, like Zofia or Hibana, then I would relate to her much sooner. Same for Ash’s other teammates lying on the ground, in the story they are simply addressed as “her teammates”, I think it will be better to give them names, like the poor Valkyrie in the beginning of the story.

2. A bit more fetish elements would be nice. Like, expression, muscle and feet description. Please write more details about them, such as how big and how long Ash’s feet & toes are, are they plump & wrinkled or not, are they dirty & smelly or not, what color are they; what Ash’s dead expression looks like, are her eyebrows nervous or not, are her eyes rolling back or not, are her eyes closed or not, is her tongue out of her mouth or not, how wide does her mouth open, what about her saliva, what about her teammates, etc. Same for her body and muscles. Also, since she is futa, please write details of her cock and balls, like the size, thickness, shape and color.

That’s all. Though I insist that you don’t need to change the story, for 1, things above don’t affect the completeness of the story, they don’t affect how good the story is; those elements are not my favorites but I don’t dislike them either, so the story doesn’t become less enjoyable to watch for me; and for 2, change them all would just take you too much time. We can just change them in my next commission.

So here’re my ideas about my next commission:

Same as last time, this is a R6S story and all girls should be futas. This time, the protagonist is not an operator, but a young scavenger girl (or a young foot soldier of White Masks, it doesn’t matter, the point is she should be nobody) and I want you to tell the story from her point of view. One day, she finds the wreckage and corpses of several operators on the battlefield (the cause of death is rather irrelevant, they could lose a gun fight, get sniped or trigger landmines, but please keep the completeness of their bodies this time, unless they’re decapitated). The scavenger girl has never experienced sex before, on the one hand, she hates these women who interrupt her peaceful life, on the other hand, she is attracted by their beauty and toned body. So after collecting their equipment, she strips (half-naked is enough) and enjoys their bodies; those operators are still warm and their cocks can still erect and cum; she plays and places their bodies like ragdolls during the process, and in the end, she leaves, leaving dead operators in humiliating positions.

This story is rather simple so you can slow the pace down a bit. And though the story should be told from the scavenger girl’s pov, she and her feelings shouldn’t be the focus point. This is the character I want you to focus on: rainbowsix.fandom.com/wiki/Zofia

And some other characters that might be useful: rainbowsix.fandom.com/wiki/Ash rainbowsix.fandom.com/wiki/Hibana rainbowsix.fandom.com/wiki/Mira rainbowsix.fandom.com/wiki/Finka rainbowsix.fandom.com/wiki/Iana

Last, please make those operators’ bodies toned and muscular. Here are some references: rule34.xxx/index.php?page=post&s=list&tags=stevencarson rule34.xxx/index.php?page=post&s=list&tags=nyalicia

One more word, considering my commissions are highly customized and my fetishes are weird, sometime the story I commission may not fit your personal style or preference, so please feel free to let me know if there’re elements that you don’t want to write or you really want to keep. Also, I don’t know if you are okay with I give you detailed outlines or not, so feel free to tell me if you prefer creating the story by you own or you have other ideas.

I wish I explain myself clearly. Let me know if you have any questions :D