A love letter "K"

K, I want to see you. I want to hold you. I want to kiss you. I want to be the one you go to when you need someone. I want to call you at midnight just to ask if you're alright. I want to squeeze you and feel you. I want to explore your mind and learn you. All of these things that I want, I feel like I need. I do have a need. I need Kara. A need that I can't fulfill. A desire that's unattainable. I leave your presence and instantly regret it. A few more moments would have been perfect. Maybe just a few more days? Months? Years? A few more years... Jesus. A few more years would suffice. Hell, why not a few decades? They say that lust is desire out of control. It's speculation, but I believe it. If they're right then I'm a wolf with the need to be domesticated. I'm Evil Kinevil about to jump the Grand Canyon. I'm an 18 wheeler doing 80 on black ice. I'm a super nova expanding and contracting to become a black hole. I'm LA after Rodney King. I'm hurricane Katrina headed for New Orleans and I'm destructive, because I don't care what's in my way. What a perfect way to describe it. Destructive. I'm destructive. I block out the thoughts that I'm leaving you and I let my heart do the thinking, because it needs it. It needs you. It needs Kara. I need Kara. They say that lust is desire out of control. And I'm out of control.

But love is something else entirely. Undefinable, mysterious, concave & complex. Love is lonely all by itself. Love is a dream that never comes true. It's an idea that can only be achieved through cooperation & communication but it isn't impossible. It's not destructive. Not from the outside. Because it's beauty is radiant. Satellite images of hurricane Katrina tell a different story than the images from the ground. They show a majestic miracle forming over the earth's infinite oceans. White clouds formed by God's hand into a circular swirl of immeasurable proportions and undefinable beauty. While people lose their homes and their lives on the ground, astronauts take pictures from the international space station with a 400km cushion of safety. They observe. They watch. They wait. They grieve. But most importantly they appreciate. Because what's happening 400km below them is nothing short of a miracle. They remember Hurricane Katrina as a wonderful memory. A once in a lifetime opportunity of complete perfection. It was beautiful. That's how I'll remember you. Beautiful. Maybe not at first. I'll be a train wreck at first. I've had dreams of driving back from ISU at 3am just to see you. When I finally get there I can't find you and I wake up in cold sweats. When I leave you, I'll feel like I'm making the biggest mistake of my life. But I have to. For myself. This place is poison for me. I'll never forget you because I don't think I'll be able. I'm sure I'll make excuses "she was just some girl" "I'll meet someone else". The truth is, for whatever reason, you are something big to me. You're important. And when I leave you, I won't know what to do. I'm terrified of the future. But if I try hard enough, I'll get you. You'll be my prize. One day.