| For you: | For a random someone you know personally and regard fondly: |
|---|---|
| You find $1000! | They lose $1000. |
| You are instantly funnier! | They will never find anything funny again. |
| You can turn invisible at will! | They are incurably blind. |
| You can run at speeds of up to 60 mph! | They are paraplegic. |
| You can read 1000 words/minute! | They can’t read. |
| You can teleport to anywhere on earth you have visited before! | They become a homeless nomad and never stay in any location for more than 24 hours. |
| You can read minds at a surface-level if you concentrate and the other party is unaware! | They start to like season 4 of Arrow for some reason. |
| You can walk through walls! | They build emotional walls to keep out everyone they used to love. |
| You can create top-tier CYOAs that rake-in the fake internet points! | They will over-analyze everything to the point where their life stands still while they constantly grasp at a meaningful existence in a fantasy world of their creation; they feed on the guidelines of neckbeards across the interwebs, creating scenarios in their mind where they aren’t the pitiable creature they deep down know they are and always will be. |