Says me, but you don't have to listen to me. I've been through some shit though.

Some of the most painful parts of my life were before I had learned much. The most painful part of the pain wasn't the pain -- it was the confusion. The sense of unfairness. The sense of betrayal by the world, by others. There was an overwhelming "What did I do to deserve this??" that made everything seem unbearable, and that it might all be worth something never even crossed my mind. Eventually I learned, though, that pain is worth something -- and thought of it afterward as emotional weightlifting. At the very least, pain is a chance to get stronger, and something to be thankful for. A life with too little pain crumples at the slightest inconvenience. But if you've been through some shit, you can get through some shit, and you know you can.

It was all brought back when my little brother went through his first major heartbreak. I saw the same anguish I had gone through years earlier, the confusion -- how the hell, why the hell -- didn't she love me?? Yes, she did, but you were both unskillful. Trying to have a relationship is like trying to balance one bowling ball on top of another. Both of you have to be completely attuned to each other's movements, and if you stop paying attention and just get drunk on the bliss of it, things can get out of balance fast. It doesn't mean anything except that there are still skills to learn -- there is still sense to make out of it -- and once you have that sense, you don't make the same mistakes again. So pain is not only emotional weightlifting, but a chance to figure something out and never have to feel that same pain again. You'll feel pain again, but not for that reason. You'll get further next time. It will hurt the same, but bother you less, because you'll know you only have to feel it once, and then you'll be more skillful forever. All of a sudden it turns into an upward spiral -- "Gee, if pain itself isn't so bad, what is there to fear?" And maybe the answer's nothing.