Okay, so I’ve read the email a few times over now and I have a few things to say.
First, I don’t think it was completely terrible for them to have talked and exchanged numbers knowing who they were. It’s gross, but it could have been fueled by attraction or alcohol or something equally dumb. Not the worst thing in the world. It’s the fact that they’ve continued that bothers me the most. I don’t care whether they recognized each other right away. To be honest there’s a higher chance that she recognized him first. He never went to school with her and social media wasn’t as big back then as it is now. She wasn’t on it at the time. But I did point him out to her on the school website to give her an idea of who this guy was back in the day. His family was also really well known. There’s no doubt in my mind that she recognized him. She’s the one who’s supposed to look out for me, as the sister I once trusted, so her actions matter most to me in this situation. He could walk off the edge of a tall building for all I care.
Second, it’s a strange and disjointed apology, but I do get the impression that he’s sorry. What he’s sorry for, I’m not sure. He could be sorry for what he did to me, sorry that he now has to face it, or sorry that he’s too deep with my sister to ignore what happened. All three if I had to guess. But mostly the last two. He can take his apology and shove it down his throat. I don’t want it.
Third, through some light googling, I now know that he went through something massive in his family about two months after high school ended. If he’s changed at all, maybe that’s what brought it on. Even if that’s the case, I don’t care. It doesn’t matter to me if he’s a changed person. He fucked me up so bad, I’ll never see him as anything other than the guy he was back then, and potentially could still be.
Everyone keeps talking about something feeling off in the email. I sensed it, too. To me it’s the part where he said he thought he loved me. If that was his idea of love then, it worries me that he’s involved with my sister now. Even ten years later. What if his idea of love hasn’t changed as much as thinks it has?
That said, it’s comforting that he said he thought he loved me, because that way he’s acknowledging that he doesn’t think it was love looking back on it now as an adult. It’s also comforting that he actually broke down his thought process back then. I didn’t imagine it that way. It actually happened that way.
If I have anymore thoughts on it, I’ll post them. More of what happened is slowly coming back to me now.