I can understand his insecurity, but in my opinion this is a him problem not a you problem.

I have many toys, including some very large ones, and I would be very upset if my husband tried to police what size I was “allowed”.

To me, a great sexual partner should be invested in and able to celebrate your pleasure and instead of doing that yes getting caught up in his ego.

It’s understandable, but that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable. I think he needs to work through why he’s so threatened by it.

It would be like you saying he’s only allowed a striker toy that’s less “tight” than you, or at fetish events he’s only allowed to watch the women who are heavier than you. Those would be silly arbitrary rules rooted in your insecurity and that wouldn’t be healthy.

All that said though, sometimes being a good partner is loving your person even when they’re being a little unreasonable. So maybe mention the tightness/skinniness rule above, and ask him to think on it awhile. Tell him you’ll put the toy away for a couple of weeks so he can process why he’s so freaked out by it and you can talk about it again later.

Put it away and then have sex! Letting this get between you is silly.

Also: ps: if you’re feeling very adventurous a nice fat toy for anal play while he’s going PIV (or vice versa) will be an extremely fun night. Maybe that’ll help convince him.