where theres smoke theres fire, what they are saying must be true, she must really be a bitch, what a bad person.

Fuck these people. I enjoy occasions like this, because if assholes reveal themself to you that willingly, you have an easier time avoiding them or keeping them at a healthy distance. It's like self-branding, they are actually doing your job for you. The best kind of asshole lol

I was bullied for a similar timeframe, maybe even longer, and but I don't have a lot of memories pre-10 years old. And what strikes me is that I have the same aversion to pitty, for the same reason. An otherwise normal relationship gets changed, and the feeling of inferiority seeps in. But why tho?

I mean, with pitty, people are just aknowledging that something horrible has happened to someone. In itself, it doesn't imply inferiority.

I think for me the major issue is, that pitty, in itself, is shallow. It's the shortcut to reacting like a decent person. Like the stereotypical charity queen or do-gooder, that publicly gives to the poor, and privately cheats on his or her spouse, verbally abuses their kids or even worse. Receiving pitty tells me nothing about a person, because it's a reaction everyone can immitate. And that also makes it a possible abuse tactic. Because what are you gonna do against a person pretending to be good, while being a piece of shit, or trying to manipulate you with a fassade of being good?

I would find myself paranoid, if I hadn't seen all this shit already.

Another major reason is that I have complete disbelief in someone being actually good to me. Pitty implies that the other person values you on some level, and I am really not used to that. It seems strange to me.

The other thing is, that it reminds me of being changed, althought that really isn't as strong with me anymore. I remember that being a lot stronger in my later teens, when the bullying died down (becasue I held a pillow in its face), and it was a lot closer than now. It was this constant reminder that I wasn't like the others and my life wouldn't be like theirs, like I needed any more of those....

Those are my thoughts. Hope you can take anything from this stream of consciousness^^