I didn’t realize how far done you had to scroll to find my comment so hear it is, copy pasted:

I totally get where you’re coming from! This is my first time in this sub but i’ve been rolling my eyes in r/actuallesbians for months now. Although i’m not out yet, i see myself as basically bisexual; however, after being assaulted by a man, the thought of engaging with male genitalia in the future is a repugnant idea to me. Like i will still get crushes on men and i can see myself romantically involved with them, but basically to sum it up, i’m just not the biggest fan of dick atm.

So when i scroll through r/actuallesbians and see post after post after post about girl dick and just a constant hammer of indoctrination saying “girls can have dicks!” And “lets hear it for those dick-loving lesbians out there!!”, i can’t help but cringe.

Because i’m bi, i can see myself attracted to/romantically involved with men and women and possibly someone in between. So if i get to a point where i’m no longer as sexually traumatized, i can see myself ending up with a trans lesbian, BUT, and its a big but, i really don’t think it’s the right move to take genitalia completely out of the question when discussing sexuality! Like ya you can be attracted to men and/or women and/or people in between, and you can be attracted to pussy and/or dick and/or in between, BUT, the modern idea of lesbianism just throws genitalia out the window as if being attracted to women was historically only ever about being attracted to the AESTHETIC of a woman and not their sexuality (again.... genitalia).

At the end of the day though, trans people are literally being murdered just for being trans, also the suicide rate is devastatingly high, so i understand the need for acceptance, validation and gentleness during these discussions. For example, browsing through r/LGBDroptheTransphobes its easy to find people with 20 orientations and completely unique pronouns and flags upon flags posted on their account and it may all seem a bit silly. But if you scroll a little further, you see the same people posting to self harm and suicide watch subreddits.

I think the world would be much better off if the TRAs all start focusing their activism on the important issues (trans murder/suicide/homelessness etc), rather than reselling homophobia disguised as trans activism. By telling gay and lesbian people that gay and lesbian now mean something completely different and that they have to accept that their sexuality isn’t allowed to be centred around sex/sexual organs but now must be centred around only gender, you’re alienating people who have “genital-preference” (which is literally EVERYONE on the planet unless you’re a perfect 50/50 bisexual??).

I think the main issue though is that there is ZERO productive discussion because both “sides” are only responding to either the worst of the worst or just straw manning each other’s arguments.

Although jk rowlings comments can come across as tone deaf and petty. She has a point about the importance of preserving some female spaces and recognizing the science behind sex. Although a lot of the stuff she said was completely true, she straw manned trans people implying that they all believe sex is completely fluid and no different than gender, when the majority of trans people recognize the difference btwn sex and gender. The people responding to her ALSO straw manned her by saying that she thinks ONLY/ALL women get their periods and that she fundamentally doesn’t recognize that trans women don’t get them and trans men can. But thats kind of purposefully misunderstanding her, i think. Now i could be wrong and be too gentle on her, but i believe her point was that the vast majority of people who menstruate are women and the vast amount of women menstruate. The article chose to ignore this fact to cater to the <1%. Its very inclusive, yes, and that inclusivity is important in social settings to trans people, but this also starts bleeding into scientific settings where there is already an abundance of misrepresentation and misleading language. The ultimate point that is being missed is that so much of this world- from medicine to safety features in vehicles- is catered towards men, with women being the anomaly. Trans people exist and are valid and need to have their space in society, but it usually comes from carving out a chunk in womens’ “spaces”. So now we have not only women being under represented in the world and not being catered to, but now when there is something created to represent them/their experiences, it has to make sure to FIRST cater to/represent trans people (or else risk being CANCELLED).

At this point i’m sure i’m coming off as a full blown TERF. But to clarify, i’m just trying to explain the points that jk rowling was trying to express. If we set aside our judgements and egos and put in the effort/empathy to try to understand people then we’ll realize that we have a lot more in common.

Sorry for the full length essay, if you took the time to read, thank you! Clearly i’ve had some stuff building up for awhile that was bound to come out some way or another.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk, i am open to having my opinions challenged by people from all viewpoints (as long as you actually read my points and didn’t just make assumptions).