reading your post history all I'll say is that you really need to figure out what you hope to accomplish with all this in the first place (do you have any idea what you want to do in uni?). You're in grade 11, you have time, you need to face your internal feelings above all else before taking this on. I struggle with some of the same things as you, and HealthyGamerGG on YT has been a nice resource for me. I thought their video on finding purpose in technological society was good at helping me understand what I was dealing with: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuHEY7CjjTI (TL;DW We procrastinate with technology because it suppresses our negative internal emotions about whatever it is we need to do. The more we procrastinate, the stronger these emotions become and our desire to suppress them).