From your posts, I could see you wanting to please others. It’s why I was worried that you weren’t thinking of yourself when you decided to stay. I do want you to know that being a people pleaser does not cause bad marriages. Someone taking advantage of it causes a bad marriage. I hope you’re not taking the blame for the way you were treated. I also hope he’s truly changed. I don’t want to be rude and I know that you’ve already made the decision to stay so I hope you don’t take this negatively. I’m glad you’re now setting boundaries and making sure they’re being listened to but I think the reason people aren’t happy with the update is that you set boundaries before and they were ignored. I think something that made me uncomfortable is that your husband completely ignored how you felt until you wanted a divorce then got upset when he was called out for his abuse. I really do hope he’s truly changed not just because he wants to stay married but because he really wants to change. After reading what you’ve said, the only positive thing that we’ve read about him is that he’s a good dad and he can be a good dad without being married. Again, I don’t want make you feel poorly about yourself because you seem like an amazing woman who didn’t deserve anything he did to you but I hope that if he ever disrespects you again (even a little), you’ll put yourself first and leave. I know that I’m only reading about your relationship and maybe he’s doing more than what you’ve written and has really turned himself around to the point where you have no doubt that he will go back to how he was for the first 8 years of your marriage but it just seems like you’re settling for your kids so I want you know that I was 4 when my parents got divorced and I was really happy. I saw my dad disrespect my mom and I saw my mom decide that she wouldn’t take it and it has followed me into adulthood. I learned to set boundaries and leave when they’re being disrespected because being happy alone is better than being stressed with someone else. If I’m completely wrong, I deeply apologize. I do hope you’re in a good place and that you’re happy no matter what.