My worst subordinate
Borderline fails her initial training. Told I'm getting her as a subordinate before she arrives in Korea.
Gets to Korea
In the first day she goes to that Mud fest with her friends, gets drunk
Ends up on the other side of South Korea because the taxi driver misheard her. She lost her ID and she has no passport because you only need your orders to go to most other countries per bilateral agreements, so she's basically AWOL in a foreign country with no way to contact anyone and never actually having checked into our base/unit.
But it gets better
She marries some dope in our unit (who was a very smart young man) after 3 weeks of dating
Gets preggo and goes to the online application to file for discharge on pregnancy
Oops, she's a fucking retard so of course her "comment box" or whatever in the online application is some passive aggressive sob story about how she needs to get out because the medical facilities in Korea are unsuitable for her future child and all this other irrelevant bullshit (all she had to do was type "I want to get out because I'm pregnant and that is covered under regulation whatever", for reference)
It turns out that the application goes directly to your unit commander. I have to go see him at 5AM in full service dress uniform with her the next morning. He is not happy about her retarded rant on the application, and he is especially not happy about implying the hospitals will make her baby autistic or something (yea she's one of those) and reveals his kids were actually born there a decade ago.
So she takes a bad situation... and Makes It Even Worse!
Because she is getting processed for discharge, which takes like 2 months or something (can't remember, it's been 6 years), she says fuck it to all of her responsibilities. Fails her on-job-training qual tests, fails her PT tests (even though she only has to take parts of them due to pregnancy, I'm pretty sure it was just a walk test), etc. Basically shit she could just fine but she is going out of her way to fail this shit. More meetings at 5-6AM with commander in service dress. He is human enough to know there's fuck all I can do curb her behavior at this point but he's just going through the motions of putting pressure on me.
Finally gets the boot. She still gets most of her veteran benefits because it wasn't a bad discharge even though she only gave an honest 3-4 months of work in her 2 year career.
Laugh when people suggest we have a manpower shortage (news flash, there are alot of shammers in the military, cut the crying about Obama reducing personnel numbers since we dropped Afghan, we have more than enough people and shit, focus on real shit like not prioritizing QOL/equipment improvements for the combat arms or not reforming the VA hospital)
And further icing on the cake: she adopted two kids with her dope husband despite having no job, and then they end up getting divorced.
What a bunch of bologna!