It’s difficult to say. I’d like to say that I would have completely explored the life that I sometimes would fantasize about but not certain. In retrospect I feel that back then I would have entertained the notion of staying single longer and not be so preoccupied with jumping straight into the conventional life of being married with offspring without at least having fun with exploration. So what that would have looked like would have been me finding intimate expression with CD gurls in safe ways and avoiding recklessness in doing so. But I was so young and had stars in my eyes from being in the music industry so I was busy and distracted by that. Plus, I feared societal disapproval and potential violence also. The security detail of my band were not to be crossed. It was one reason why I kept my attraction to that transvestite on the DL partly for her protection as those homophobic goons would have beaten her to the brink of her life or even killed her. Probably more info than you thought you’d get sorry for that. But that was one of a number of factors that stopped me from pursuing intimate expression with a CD gurl. I’m at a point in life where I sometimes grapple with feelings of what could have been and that ship has sailed, never to return. At the same time, I’m happy in my life. Yet I still have to make peace with those opportunities from the past that never came to fruition. The issue is, the attraction remains. I will not act on that attraction but instead live vicariously through the posts on sites like these. Back to you...I hope that your journey into self discovery and integrity goes well. It’s quite a tenuous, Herculean task and I totally get it and I empathize with you. So I’m willing to be a sounding board as much as I possibly can for as much as that’s worth.