"how did you get out of that horrible situation?"

I moved to another country and cut contact with my family as soon as I could (age 19 then).

"Have you ever accidentally slipped into happy?"

Of course. I wasn't actually celibate (involuntarily or otherwise), I simply can relate to what is posted here. In the end, stuff that happens in your past has a big impact in your life.

In the end, sex and any sort of physical closeness, which I idealized in my lonely teenage years simply reminds me of things I would rather forget, so I avoid it.

When throughout your life the best thing you could dream of was a minimum wage job, a lonely existence and suicide at 30, you find yourself gravitating towards that.Even when I was at my best, I still looked at that prospect as better than the alternative and longed for it. Therapist says its self-destruction and she might be right, but I don't really trust therapists.

Sorry to hear about your dad and mom issues, I can definitely relate to the issue you had with your dad, and it seems you got good lessons from your experiences.