So, as another straight white male who has been in improv for a long time and has himself felt a lot of associated shame for stuff other improvisers have done, here's the thing:

If victim-blaming is bad, then perpetrator-association is also bad. And not just bad, but ultimately incorrect and counterproductive.

The stock way this kind of thing often plays out is somebody is hurt, and that person complains, though maybe not enough, or acts out, or seems upset over something you don't understand, and you have the group that believes her and associates with her and the group that blames her and associates against her.

And then, putting aside what happens to the victim only because that's not the topic of what we're talking about, there's this guilt of having been on the side that was wrong.

And that guilt extends as you find out more and more that you were on the side that was wrong.

Maybe this is the kind of thing your own dad did. Your model for masculinity. Maybe you had difficulty differentiating from him. Maybe you always feel a little bit of shame for bad things your dad did.

If you are going to stop blaming victims, you need to figure out how to associate yourself in your own mind with the right team. Sort that shit out. Stop identifying yourself as an enabler. Put up a boundary between yourself and people who are not you. Don't take responsibility for everything done by everybody who is superficially like you.

Because as long as you are subconsciously associating yourself with abusers, you are going to lean toward their side. Fall under their influence. Feel powerless to stand up to them. Get really angry and feel really useless.

You're going to see the problem, but be unable to be part of the solution.

You have to find a way to let go of the guilt for things you didn't do.

You have to find a way to draw a line, and point over that line, and say "You did this. Not me."

Then you'll finally be in a better place to understand victims and approach something like justice. Be part of the solution.

And you can also probably stop impotent rage-crying or rage-binge-eating in private or whatever your transferring vice is.

You are not responsible for what Zach did. I am not responsible for what Zach did. Zach is responsible for what Zach did. And he's got to live with that.

It's a liberating thing to say. And a hard thing to believe.

Of course for any of this to hold any water you do have to credibly understand what the problem is and actually be willing to point it out. This isn't an excuse to just hand-wave away helping people get hurt.

And you shouldn't expect anybody else to give you credit for it. You should not expect it to mean you won't get some peripheral grief for being lumped in demographically with The Problem. It's not something other people will help you do.

But maybe it's something you can do to help yourself.

Or I can do to help myself. Because maybe I'm just talking about me here.

Man, this has been a rough week.