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Another 3 months down the line, another friend says I should try talking to a mutual friend, David. He lives across the country. I'm still not over Jake. We start talking and bonding, playing MMO's together, and I do say I'm not over Jake, don't want to end up hurting him (David). David really isn't my physical type, but very sweet. We started dating (have been now for 9 months).
We usually talk over voice chat programs while online. Despite our phone anxiety, I said I wanted to be able to call each other and talk on the phone- though that never happened. He bought me a computer though so we could voice chat and game together better than we could on my laptop. We did one call recently and it was awkward, just for me to hear his cat. Texting before to confirm calling being okay and everything.
We've been flying across the country to see each other and spend time with each other and meeting each others families a few times. The sex was never great, and even after more communication about what we each like never got better- back to fingering myself. Just not that phsyical working-ness I guess? I wasn't unhappy though, and shoved a lot of little things under the rug then to not deal with (since I wasn't unhappy) that I started second guessing about 2 months ago.
I like to talk with him, but it's very hard to find things to talk about that aren't video games. We still aren't comfortable calling each other on the phone- possibly because we'll just both sit there quietly with nothing to say. We don't have many shared interests beyond video games, some different political/social views.
We'd talked about moving. I'm terrified of moving away, especially far. He's offered to move here a few times, but each time I can't have him do that for me- I don't know why, I just... mental block. I don't want to move there, have been trying to talk myself to it, but just... I don't want to, I guess.
David and I really talked a few weeks ago about how we both felt we weren't moving or progressing right now and are actively hurting this way. I'm not sure David ever wants to do anything in life besides work something that pays to play video games/ watch netflix, or basically exist together in the same ways we have been. I'm not sure I can move there, or am committed enough to this, but I do love him, and haven't been incredibly unhappy. Maybe not happy, but not unhappy, minus a few small bouts of missing little things and the distance and not talking thing.
Adding to things I've had a ton of health problems lately- long lasting migraines (I had a month long one), multiple sinus infections (with sinus headaches) and I haven't been online, so we haven't even really been talking much- a few texts here and there.
About a month ago Jake reappeared. He'd had serious health downfalls while homeless, been hospitalized a few times, his family reached out to him, they reconciled things, he had means to contact me again, and missed me. We've been talking for a month now. I didn't trust him at first, but he's winning my trust back. I do know everything that happened is true (Pixie had gotten back into contact with his family and then him earlier, told me a lot of it as she learned it, I do 100% trust her).
I feel stuck.
With David, none of the little things I loved with Jake have ever been there- the sort of hand holding I like, little trinkets, etc. He's very hard for me to buy for- Jake never was. But David has gotten me very thoughtful gifts always, things that I need, or want, and in tune with my likes. We try to buy things we can do together, to try to find interests or hobbies together, but it hasn't worked out well (distance doesn't help that, though).
Do I cut Jake out and hold onto things with David?
I don't want to hurt David- I do love him, and the thought of hurting him hurts. I know David and I have a ton of little issues, personality things that just don't match up between us. But I think we could work around those eventually, and other problems that arise due to those things and stuff.
I think he'd try to provide everything I could want (minus maybe sex things?) and maybe one day we'd make phone calling and other things work and more natural. He's sweet, would care for me, and even if not happy, I don't think I'd be unhappy, and I do think he'd work to make me happy. Plus, I feel like I owe it to David to be there- he picked me up, put me together, has never hurt or betrayed me. While I struggle more financially, he'd be able to better help me pick me up, and together we'd be in a more physically comfortable life.
**Do I break up with David, because clearly there are red flags that could build down the road, and just focus on me? Either while maintaining friendships or cutting them both out?
Or do I take a chance on things with Jake?**
Jake and I match up better, all the little things I love when being in a relationship with someone, and almost none of the little issues. I do think I'd feel more fulfilled with him. I can drive in a city and 2-3 hours now, so we could move centrally. But he did leave me. And we would struggle more- I'm struggling with parental help and he's poorer than me. We both have health problems. Hopefully, we'd make it out a bit better working together, but we'd probably both still be pretty poor. But happy with each other?
TL;DR: Dated Jake for 6 months online/long distance, we were perfect, I wanted no one else, he disappeared when homeless. After 6 months of holding out hope, gave up on him reaching out to me, and started dating David. Been with David 9 months. I do love him, but we don't connect as well. I'm not as happy, there are lots of little things that don't work as well between us, but I've been trying to myself we do love each other so it could work- been questioning if love's really enough lately and Jake reappears (explains everything) and has me questioning it more. Don't know what to do.