I've been in two relationships, one where I was physically abused for about four years, and another that was twelve years going. I cheated both times. Four wives, one engaged woman, three single women, two women that like to get naked for me over video.
The first time I cheated on the second woman is the time I regret most. Once you break that seal the warranty is void even if you never cheat again. It is impressive that you are able to get over it because to be hypocritical I certainly couldn't.
First time
My parents split up due to...lol...infidelity. My dad moved in with the 'other woman' and I hated her with a passion. When her daughter started hitting on me, I absolutely went for it.
Frequency: 2 Quality: 7/10 Taboo Score: Nearcest?
Second
Working fast food when a woman ten years older tells me I remind her of her husband when he was my age. We make out a few times, some oral in her truck, and have the absolute worst sexual performance of my life at my house. Just did everything wrong. When she finishes my sister comes home unexpectedly, recognizes the woman who makes a story up about breaking down, and that's the last time we speak. Plagues me forever. Frequency: 2 Quality: 1/10 Taboo Score: Married revenge fuck.
Third
Also becomes my second relationship, emotional overlap, sexual overlap for one day. A manager of a different department at work, who is in a relationship with another manager at work. She's written me up before. And she saved me from that hell.
Frequency: ~1500 Quality: Major problems Taboo: Talking to the man who thinks his woman is cheating on him about his violent revenge fantasies while knowing you are the target, suggesting music for him to get through his rough times.
Fourth
Chronologically this could go in third. Recent college graduate at that same job, married. Very tall, volleyball player. Got weird.
Frequency: 2 Quality: 5/10 Taboo: Married woman.
Fifth
This one is too out there to be believed. Basically a high school nerd's wet dream. Cause a marriage to be cancelled, six month affair until they eloped to Vegas. This one kind of fucked me up because my emotions got involved.
Freq: ~10 Quality: 9/10 Taboo score: Making out with that cheerleader from high school while parked in front of her shared apartment.
Sixth
Sold a woman a car, while helping her set it up she let me stumble upon her "Sex Playlist." This was one of the first times I ever went on a 1st date in my life. Turned into a two year fwb situation. She was great but her feelings started getting heavy and she was ready for a relationship. Very flexible.
Freq: ~75 Quality: 8.5/10 Taboo Score: Outdoors, rug burns, but pretty mild.
Seventh
This one was the first and only week I used tinder and came after about two years of being 'faithful'. A virgin with vaginismus. This one actually came with an injury, but it was worth every ounce of pain. Took an incredible amount of time and was a great exercise in control.
Freq: 1 Quality: 7/10* Taboo: Taking the virginity of a married woman.
Eighth
This one really fucked me up. There are not words or artistry that could tell the story in all its hues. And honestly I don't know that my wretched heart could bear the retelling. Suffice it to say the day I met her was the best and worst day I've known. She was the only one for whom I broke the "rules" I had created for my infidelity. This one gave me what I deserved.
Freq: Three days in a hotel. Quality: 9/10 Taboo: Getting a married Iraqi woman to take off more than her hijab. Then going to her husband's restaurant to ask for his suggestion on the menu. Watch him make you a hamburger. Shake his hand for making the best hamburger you've ever had.
Nine and Ten
were rebounds from the 1.5 years of my relationship within a dead relationship. The tenth was someone I would never have considered sleeping with even drunk, and when I hugged her and left I had to do a lot of soul searching.
Now I content myself with one Iraqi and one Lebanese woman that both live too far away for me to do anything more than make them cum over skype. Both have offered me their virginity. The temptation is strong but the logistics make it improbable.
Of the 12 women I've slept with, eleven of them have ties to my infidelity. I could rationalize it with talk of a dead bedroom, of the fact that I didn't listen to my dad telling me to sow my oats before trying to settle down. I could blame her for having her college experimentation without me. And certainly I have done that and more.
However I'm the only one responsible. Even the other women only one of them knew I was in a relationship at all.
Take the thrill of the chase, add a dash of feeling desired, a hint of the forbidden, the risk of being caught, and end it with two people cumming. Exhilaration doesn't even begin to come close. Slap on a nice dose of that piece missing from your relationship and you start to feel whole again and it almost feels okay.
Almost.