She only ever mentioned it to me once, as we were hanging up at the end of a two hour conversation.

As we were hanging up, she said, "As for that other thing, you don't need to worry about it. I don't think it's that important. OK, I'll see you next week!"

I said, "I don't mind it!"

She said, "OK, bye."

She literally never said another word to me about it again.

I was told in my introduction class that my rabbi would ask me if I wanted to do it. So, when my rabbi said that to me, I froze. I thought, "That can't be the only thing she'll ever say to me about it. She's supposed to ask."

So, I waited, and she never said anything. I was absolutely unprepared for that. I completely froze. I didn't know why she wanted me to skip the tipat dam. She didn't tell me.

I performed a tipat dam on myself the morning of my immersion, but I know it was not in accordance with halacha. And it was extremely difficult. I actually thought it would be easy, but it wasn't. It took like 45 minutes and was nerve racking.

I went into the water, thinking, "Well, this isn't a real conversion, but it's the best I could do."

I finally confronted my rabbi about what she'd done about a year later, around the time I broke down completely. Turns out she wanted to skip the tipat dam because my "conversion" was completed at the height of the pandemic. She didn't know how we could get the necessary people together in one room (we used a natural body of water as a mikvah).

IF she had told me that, I may very well have opted to wait until we could do things correctly. I've always considered the covenant of circumcision to be just as important as any other requirement.

I don't know what to do now.