I keep noticing posts like these. /u/friedchapati went through this as well so Insha Allah send her a message i'm sure she will be willing to help. First and foremost the most obvious thing always seems to be that women get hurt more in these haram relationships. These guys have no honour they seem to play with people's emotions and ditch them moving on to the next girl.

Is there a good support system at home? did you tell your family that you feel sad and heart broken to such an extent you lack sleep and the will to eat? My sister please stop thinking of this guy, cut him out of your life. what you had is gone and dwelling on it will further your sadness. Remember he wronged you and ask Allah to forgive you and receive His mercy.

I want to marry you I want everything to go back to being normal.

This is not a healthy view to have, he left you and you should have the strength to move on. I recommend therapy as well, there is no harm in finding a good therapist preferably a muslim one to help you. Do not physically hurt yourself over this guy, he's not worth it. He messed with you and you should push these thoughts of having him out of your mind. If he genuinely cared he would've married you instead he moves on to mess with someone else. if people followed the Islamic way of courting a muslim girl there wouldn't be this problem. It's concerning how many posts like these are posted so often here