Last year I developed a bit of a penchant for those crispy hot wings that you can only get from a takeaway, the kind that absolutely ruin your morning the next day. I was having those bad boys 2 or 3 nights a week. One of the wings was much bigger than the rest. Big wing = Big delicious right?

I had to shit over 50 times on the first day. No exaggeration. It got to a point where the wiping was more painful that the shitting. Even wetwipes hurt. It hurt just to sit down. I developed a hemmerhoid. I bled a lot.

I shit until my shit turned black and I had to go the hospital at 2am. I had to sit in the waiting from for 3 hours during which time I had to get up to shit several times.

The doctor said "I need to digitally examine you to make sure you haven't done any damage", it was like being stabbed with a dagger, and caused an anal fissure.

An anal fissure is the worst pain I have ever experienced, it hurts continously in one of the most sensitive parts of your body, even numbing creams only 'help'. Doubly so when you shit molten lava every half an hour.

I didn't eat for almost a week and lived off of only yakult, hot baths and lidocaine cream. It was fucking horrendous.

It hurt to walk, sit down or even exist for about 2 weeks. Shitting was still painful for about a month and scary for two.