BTW, have you been to counseling? i ask this honestly and with good-intention. i have seen many good outcomes from family people i know after abuse similar to that which you endured. rather than say 'fuck-you' as you did with me, i would prefer to reach out and correct the misrepresentation i made earlier. i was the last of three children, and my brother was a hooligan in that he intentionally got under my dad's skin - and he got beat pretty good. this was the 70's - so unlike today, the parents weren't required to seek help nor CPS was a big thing.

BUT, and this is a big but, my brother is now ok after a lot of counseling. he actually told me that he felt empowered when he could get my dad to smack him around. he never had any broken bones, and those close to us (including myself since i was 4 years younger) never saw it. my uncle (his brother) was just telling me last week on the golf course he had no idea that was happening - and if he'd known, he'd have stood up to it.

but my Dad was abused himself, and was a tortured soul. i can cry just thinking about it. his dad was a German, and died in the war and his mother married an abusive, alcoholic American GI that brought the family to Ohio and he was a raging boozer and abuser. my dad seemed to have it together, was married for 30 years and worked in the defense industry as an engineer for 35 years - and made amends with my brother and was a good, hard-working man. then cancer took him @ 55, the day he died he got his retirement plaque :(

my mom has never re-married, and i still miss my Dad to this day tremendously. he never met my wife, nor has seen his grandchildren. 21 years ago seems like yesterday...i miss him terribly.

i guess my point (besides rambling) is to saw counseling can help. never rule out being the best person you can be.

good luck