There once was a man with a passion for trains. He loved trains so much, as a young boy, he spent his weekends at the local train yard, hanging out with the workers and learning all he could about his passion. As he grew up, he had one ambition in life: to become an engineer and drive around trains for the rest of his life.
So, this man graduated highschool and went directly to train conductor school. He worked hard for however long it takes to get a train license, and graduated at the top of his class. After graduation, he went back to his local train yard and asked for a job. Since he knew most everybody there and was pretty well liked, they gave him a job on the spot. And because he was at the top of his graduating class, they let him operate the nicest train they had. So, first day on the job, he wanted to test the limits of his new machine. On the first straight patch of track he came to, he started accelerating. 50mph, 60mph, 70mph! He was flying. He thought it was a good time for a pipe break, but as he looked down to grab his pipe and baccy, he heard a crash. Heart racing, he looked up to find that he had hit and killed a little old lady at a crossing.
Now, in the state of Kentucky, it's illegal to hit and kill a little old lady at a train crossing. He was convicted and thrown in jail, and was eventually sentenced the electric chair. They asked what he wanted for his last meal, and he said: "3 pancakes, a steak this thick, and a freezy pop." The obliged him, and led him to the chair once he finished eating. They sat him down, and the executioner pulled the lever. 15 seconds they shocked him, but found he had survived the ordeal.
Now, in the state of Kentucky, if a person survives the electric chair, they are to be released from prison. So they let him off on his way, his passion for trains still strong in his heart. He went back to his local train yard, where they gave him another job, albeit with an older, less nice train. On the first day, he took that train out, and decided to test its limits. 30mph, 40mph, 50mph it went. Not bad, but not as fast as his first train... As he sat daydreaming about that first train, he was suddenly jolted from his reverie by a crash. He looked up to discover that again, he had hit and killed a little old lady at a crossing.
Now, in the state of Kentucky, it's illegal to hit and kill little old ladies at train crossings. He was convicted again, and thrown in jail again, and sentenced the electric chair, again. When they asked what he'd like for his last meal, he again replied: "3 pancakes, a steak this thick, and a freezy pop." He ate, and they led him to the chair. The executioner recognized him, and set the chair to electrocute for a full minute, for good measure. But this guy, possibly due to his strong passion for trains, just wouldn't die, and survived the chair a second time.
Now, in the state of Kentucky, if a person survives the electric chair, they have to be released from prison. They let him on his way again, and again he went to seek employment from the local train yard. Luckily, his train yard had a three-strike policy, so they let him on again, but this time, he got the oldest, most decrepit train they had. He took it out on the first day, and was testing it's limits, as usual. 10mph, 20mph, 30mph. Not a very impressive machine, but his love for trains was strong. He sat reflecting on that love when all of a sudden he heard a slam, and a dreadful screeching. He looked up to discover he had hit a large cow at a crossing.
Behind that cow, was a little old lady. Now, in the state of Kentucky, it's illegal to hit and kill a little old lady at a train crossing. For a third time, he was convicted and thrown in jail, for a third time, he was sentenced the electric chair, and for a third time he requested "3 pancakes, a steak this thick, and a freezy pop" for his last meal. They led him to the electric chair, where the very frustrated executioner had set the chair to shock for 15 minutes, to make absolute sure it worked this time. The executioner pulled the lever, and they sat there for 15 long minutes. Onlookers got sick watching, as the man's skin charred, and his hair stood on end, and he frothed at the mouth. But even so, at the end of the 15 minutes, the man was still alive. Livid with anger, the executioner came out to confront the man. He asked, "What's your secret? Why haven't you died, after three trips to my chair!?"
The man pondered the question for a moment, then, with a knowing look, replied:
"I guess I'm just a bad conductor!"