3. Hell

Hell

the FUCK did you just say about john lennon? the man has more fucking talent in his ring finger than you do in your entire body john made more money by dying than you and i will ever make being alive john and paul literally revolutionized how songs are even thought of and what the modern pop song is every fucking boyband owes their asses to the beatles there was no boy band before the beatles there was just like elvis and shit but the beatles were more than the silly plasticine boybands we get nowadays they fucking EVOLVED like badass 60s pokemon they went from singing about love to fucking WALRUSES and DIAMONDS and GLASS ONIONS all in the span of 8 years so before you MOUTH OFF again about john you'd better think twice, punk.

I bet you were abused as a child. How do I know this happened to you? Because I am you, you're dead, I am dead, you're in Hell, I'm in hell, I'm typing this from my computer in my demon apartment (expensive rent by nice view :/ ). I'm also from the future, But you're in the past, The Beatles are in hell, too, all of them except Rigno, physically, his soul is in hell, but his body is still alive for some reason. Fuck you kid, Shut your dumb, stupid mouth about the Beatles being overrated

You don’t sound contrarian. You just sound like an asshole. Every so often, some person—wait, let me start over...

Every so often, some total dick will start going on about how The Beatles weren’t that good or were overrated or whatever other contrarian bullshit he wants to say about the band to get a rise out of people. And all I can say is: Shut up. Shut your stupid, idiot mouth, you dumb idiot.

I get what you’re doing. Really, I do. You’re trying to shit on people’s musical tastes to either appear more well-versed in music than them or you just want to see the shocked look on people’s faces as you besmirch their favorite band. And listen, I don’t blame you for either. They’re both fun activities that I partake in on the reg. If you name me a band you like, I will find a hundred different ways to judge you on your taste. If the band happens to feature a white guy with dreads, make it three hundred. But The Beatles, dude? The fucking Beatles? You are really scraping the barrel if you are knocking people for liking The Beatles, you moron.

Really, I don’t want to hear your half-cocked, grasping-at-straws theories about how The Beatles weren’t even talented musicians or how they stole their sound from other bands or how John was the only talented one. What I want you to do is shut your stupid-ass face, you stupid assface.

I’m not even defending The Beatles, per se. They’re not my favorite band or anything. But they’re...they are...what’s the word I’m looking for here? Oh right. THEY’RE THE FUCKING BEATLES, the musical foundation on which just about everything you listen to was probably built. Does that even need to be said? Being a music fan who shits on The Beatles is like standing in the comfort of your warm house and being like, “Yeah, wood is way overrated, dude. When you think about it, wood’s not really that great.” Just take your mouth and shut it up, you fucking dummy.

Still think they are dumb? Here is a Complete List Of Things The Beatles Invented dumbfuck:

Boy bands, One Direction - The Beatles

Punk, metal, heavy rock - helter skelter

Rap - I Am The Walrus

Peace - John Lennon

MTV - All You Need Is Love broadcast

Indie rock - RAM

Album filler - Ringo songs

Studio banter on an album - Let It Be album

Music Videos - the A Hard Days Night film

Psychedelia - Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds

Underrated Songs - Hey Bulldog

Hidden bonus tracks - Her Majesty

Ed Sheeran - Her Majesty

Diss tracks - How Do You Sleep

Lo-fi garage rock - Polythene Pam

Grunge rock - Plastic Ono Band (Lennon)

“pet sounds” - Rubber Soul album

EDM - Tomorrow Never Knows

Tame Impala - It’s All Too Much

Twee Pop - Her Majesty

Concept Albums - Sgt Peppers

Emo - Don’t Bother Me

Trans-positivity - Polythene Pam, Lovely Rita, Get Back, Ob-La-Di

Bands playing stadium venues - Shea Stadium Concert

Bands wearing leather jackets - Cavern Club performances

Avant-Garde - Revolution 9

Combining takes - Strawberry Fields Forever

The inclusion of french horns in pop music - For No One

“Absolute madman” meme - john lennon walking with yoko ono

Mom-rock - paul mccartney

Dad-rock - george harrison

Stoner-rock - also george harrison

Low-effort album covers - White Album

Band break ups - the beatles (1970)

It’s hard to tell through that stupid, shit-eating grin, but are you trying to be funny or do you genuinely not like The Beatles? Because I’ll bet if we sat you down in a room and started playing “All You Need Is Love” or “When I’m Sixty-Four,” you’d probably start crying and piss your stupid pants from pretending not to have all the emotions in the world. If we played “Here Comes the Sun” when you’re having a bad day, chances are 10,000% that you’d outright shit yourself as a result of the overwhelming melange of joyful optimism and unbridled awe, you pants-pissing pants-pisser.

If you need other ways to torment people that make you come off as less of a pretentious asshole than shitting on The Beatles, here are some activities to keep you busy...

Inform small children there’s no Santa Claus.

Go to the Holocaust Museum and tell patrons that Hitler had some pretty good ideas.

Stand outside the window at Curves eating a McRib.

Guys: Tell a woman that childbirth isn’t really a big deal.

Ladies: Tell a guy that getting kicked in the junk isn’t all that painful.

Go to the Million Man March and say Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech ran a little long.

For Christ’s sake, the band has sold more albums and has had more number one hits than any band ever. They are the bestselling band in the history of fucking music. This is the one band we as a society should all be able to unanimously agree on as a model for… Wait, no. NO. This is exactly what you want. This is the game you want me to play. You want me to get all riled up and start defending The Beatles. Well I’m not gonna give you the satisfaction.

Instead, I’m gonna go the higher route and take a page from Mr. Lennon when I say: Love is all you need. And go fuck yourself, idiot..

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The unedited Rubber Soul cover Boomer meme with arguments in the comments. You love to see it

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