I like this question. I think about this sometimes, and about the cliche "If you love them you have to let them go". My mom told me this a lot, but I didn't truly understand the profound truth she was telling me until recently. After observing the marital progression of close friends, and thanks to a lot of life experience, it makes more sense now.

If you genuinely, truly love someone, I think it's possible to love them so genuinely that you want what is best for them-for them to be as happy and healthy as possible- which is probably a distinctly different emotion than a lust or desire for possession, which I have definitely experienced.

I imagine that a true, genuine love might be like sitting next to your loved one suffering on their death bed, and genuinely deeply wishing that they would pass on so they could be at peace, despite the grief that you will experience. I think the same applies to a more romantic relationship; you would wish the best for your loved one- whether that was with you, or not. A true love would not possessively cling to a partner and desire for them to remain in an unhealthy environment- a truly loving partner would set them free. Even if the relationship was healthy, feelings of clinging and possession would probably indicate a fundamental misunderstanding of the nature of things.

At this time I believe that a truly healthy mindset might be to avoid any sense of possessiveness in relationships- focus on observing the partner as a sovereign, beautiful, independent soul, that you are fortunate to walk beside for a while, but you are not entitled or obligated to walk beside forever. Remember that he or she is an ever evolving self- she will not be the same person in a month as she is right now; walk and evolve together on your paths for as long as is right. If it becomes necessary, set them free, because they were never yours to begin with, and because you would rather see a happy love out in the world than a miserable love in an illusory, desperate grasp.

I don't know, this is how I think about it right now, it may be incorrect and I will probably think/feel differently about it in the future. I would be really interested to hear how other people think this might fit into a western context of marriage and lifelong commitment.