As a (albeit openly) gay man in a small southern town. I can understand enough of John B's mania and have suffered enough of my own similar episodes to understand John's state of mind when he did himself in. I've drug myself out of enough of those states of mind.

He was limerant towards Tyler, Tyler did not, and most likely wasn't capable of loving him back. The world was a dark hole of "empty and alone" and every step was like walking against fast current that was almost knee deep, why fight to keep standing if there was only more of the same upstream. Why continue to hope for a better tomorrow when every hope you can remember has been shattered into countless shards that rip and tear at your soul leaving even less of who you once were, a whole person who thought that the world still held a possibility of happiness. The memory of that person that was you hurts.

I'm sure that it wasn't the first Time John B. was in the place, but he just couldn't take it anymore. The unbearable feeling of isolation. His mother wasn't on his mind when he did it. Only his own pain. He was far less rational than most people can understand being. I've been there a few times. I do not plan on being there again. As S-Town went on I saw too many similarities between John B and myself, the growing bitterness, the self loathing over something that I could not change. the loss of previously good social skills, the limerance towards those who either cannot or willfully refuse to return affection without personal gain. John's story served as a warning to me of what I was becoming, So I consciously made the decision not to continue down that route.