Gosh, I hope no Apes will ask me and all my friends about this tonight.

You see, I’m a rich and successful Wall Street type who obviously works for a big financial firm, maybe even a hedge fund.

Me and my friends go out to swanky restaurants and bars on Fridays and wait around for random strangers to come over to our group and start chatting us up.

We’ll laugh and joke with them, noting how knowledgable they seem to be about how everything on Wall Street really works. We will start to form the bonds of an easy friendship, but then they will invariably trap us and ask about GameStop.

My eyes will go wide and sometimes I will put my hand up to my mouth as if to both convey my shock that they are this level of intelligent, and to stop myself from yelling out, “Dammit! You’re right, you’re right!! You’re right about everything, we are so panicked!! We hedgies are so fucked!!”

My colleagues will raise an eyebrow and signal to the Jr Associates to collect me, hustling me out to the limo where I’m given a sedative, never to be seen again.