Honestly dude - you're 19. You don't know what you're talking about. You're wrong to think nobody you're talking to knows depression. I was extremely depressed when I was 19. I'm 33 now and if I had followed through on my suicidal urges when I was in college it would have been the dumbest thing I ever did. My life has gotten so much better since then it's insane.

When you say it's "too late" and that you're "lost" you sound so young and narrow-minded. There's a fuck-ton more life out there for you to experience and you never know when some small part of you will suddenly get infected with a desire to explore it which will spread to the rest of you. If you kill yourself that can't happen. So I hope you don't. <3

Also P.S. IMHO you're totally full of shit posting about killing yourself and then claiming you "don't want sympathy" any time someone encourages you to live. Come on, you don't want sympathy? Then what are you even posting for? Because either other people's opinions and life experiences do matter (in which case stop shutting people down when they try to reach out to you) or they don't (in which case why even post at all). I know you might get a rush from playing around with people like that but I promise you there are much deeper and more exhilarating forms of happiness and personal connection to be found. Go look for them. Also I'm not claiming your suicidal thoughts are not for real. I'm proposing that your claim to not care anymore, and not want anyone to reach out to you, are not real. If you are even reading this comment it's proof enough to me that you're not lost, you just need to cut your way out of the bubble you've built for yourself and find a new kind of life to live.