Also, after the first time I hit him back he stopped attacking me physically, because he doesn't feel safe doing that now. He tries to do it psychically, to the point where I touch him first. He gets in my personal space, talks a lot of shit and insults me and everything I care about in every possible way. When he manages to do that, he starts calling me crazy and saying that I can't touch anybody just because they said something... It's like he doesn't remember that he used to fucking tackle me when I was younger and beat the shit out of me with his fists just because I answered "I don't care" to something he said. Now when he runs out of arguments, he just says that he won't spend any more money on me. He does the same with my mom.

She got a good paid job but he talked her out of it and said that she should work as a freelancer in her own business. She didn't want to do this at first, but he forced her to. Her pay got worse, she feels worse in the new job and my father constantly judges her, saying that if her pay won't get better, she won't get any money from him too (even tho his salary is smaller, lmao)

Now he yells at my mother downstairs that I'm dangerous and I should be locked down lol (my only outburst of rage that wasn't towards my father took place... 7 years ago, when I was an unstable 11 year old being beaten every week by his father. And I remember feeling like shit right after that)

Tbh I would like to visit a psychiatrist just to make him tell my father that I'm suitable to live on society lol it's unreal, my father is so detached from reality