It is natural for you to question it. I’m a horrible patient but I’ve had some excellent therapists. The first one I saw validated what I was experiencing was abuse. The most important thing I got out of it was having someone believe me. The next therapist I saw explained that having abusive parents is almost like having parents that die over and over. We keep looking for them to be the parents like on tv or at our friends’ homes. We go to them expecting cookies & instead, we get slapped or berated or chased with a knife. Then, we grieve that loss of the parents we wanted because we have been reminded of the ones we have in real life. That process is hard and confusing and there’s no closure. So, we start to doubt ourselves. Maybe it’s not that bad, maybe I’m just making a big deal, maybe this is fine because we really don’t wanna go through that grief process again. The last therapist that helped wasn’t even mine. It was when I found out about borderline personality disorder. The abuse I suffered was different. I didn’t see examples of it anywhere else in the world until a random article by the therapist led me to a message board for people whose family had bpd. Changed my life; or at least my perspective. Those people went through that wild shit too. Your journey may be very different but it looks like it’s starting for you here. Please know there’s life on the other side of it. My story ended up shitty but the middle was amazing. I had friends & lovers who were compassionate, never abused or manipulated, could handle their emotions in a healthy way, etc. That’s waiting for you too! Stay strong. Remember you’re life is just beginning & you’re almost legally out of this nonsense. Hugs to you!