She eventually need to get another surgery, this one on her back and it gave me a wake up call. I deleted everything and stopped doing everything I was doing. Except porn. I went back to trying to help her and help us. But she knew. She looked on my phone one morning and I forgot to close a page about deleting things from an iPhone. So I told her it was about porn. She believed me and I thought I was good. Just go get some help with the porn thing and get back my wife. But she knew. We were fighting more and more. She was probing I was being evasive. She poured her heart out to me and I couldn’t tell her the things I did because I didn’t her to know. She was crumbling and I was just worrying about myself. She eventually found my old phone with everything on it. I was finally exposed for the awful things I did. I had to come clean about Kik but nothing the others because she didn’t find those. So I lied and said that’s it. But she kept digging and digging. Finding them one after another. Everytime crumbling and I couldn’t tell her the truth. I just sat there. Like a piece of trash. She would tell me how angry she was but she still loved me and wanted to work. I was would go to therapy and lie. Not being completely honest. Then a new therapist and the same thing. I was so far down that I didn’t care to get out. I was lost in my own shame and guilt. Not worrying enough about anyone else’s feelings and trying to get the help I need. I stopped doing anything on my phone. I would go to work come home and not look at it until morning. My wife would be so obsessed with my every move and rightfully so. But I wasn’t doing those things anymore. But the damages was done. We were broken. We would fight and she would say hurtful things and I would get defensive.